Hey my fellow forumites, @greenpea @Mazarita @Former-Member @Shaz51 @rivergal @Dimity @Appleblossom @HenryX @Meowmy @frog @Olga
and everyone else passing by...
Geez, been a really difficult week, I'm changing meds again 🙈 so thankful for my therapist. He's the only one who can reach me through the cray cray. So anyway I wrote this poem for him, he has become the angel on my shoulder and when I'm unwell I find myself talking to him in my head. It's not a delusion but rather I think he's taken up the carer role in my head to keep me safe when things go awry because with the c-ptsd I am unable to do that for myself. The me in my head is still self defeatist when I'm unwell. So yet I wrote this and my therapist was quite chuffed, an honoured I think, lol. So I thought it might be a good one to share as I'm guessing most of us have that committee in our heads, and I only hope you all have an angel on your shoulder like Jeff.
Have missed you guys xxx
BB 🐰💙
The Jeff In My Head
At times I feel trapped,
With nowhere to go,
No rhythm nor rhyme,
No go with the flow,
My thoughts become wisps,
Of unraveling thread,
And so I must channel,
The Jeff in my head.
It’s odd you might think,
But the mania knows,
And when there’s no sense,
To the crazy it throws,
When the chaos looms large,
And my world’s full of dread,
It calls in the dark, for,
The Jeff in my head.
It’s not a delusion,
Or hearing faux pas,
I simply just summon,
His voice from afar,
Like an angel amped in,
On my shoulder he shreds,
Letting loose on my demons,
The Jeff in my head.
And he never dismisses,
My need to be heard,
I’m rarely coherent,
And often absurd,
But it matters so little,
For what’s being said,
Is life is a choice, with,
The Jeff in my head.
When racked with the shame,
Of a tenuous gift,
When the lessons of life,
Send me running adrift,
When I want it to end,
And the warrior’s fled,
I remember my pact, with,
The Jeff in my head.
I will never do harm,
Nor will I succumb,
To the fire and ice,
Or it’s hideous glum,
My wounds are my bond,
For my words have now bled,
It’s chiseled in stone, with,
The Jeff in my head.
When anxiety strikes,
When the outlook is bleak,
When I’m drowning beneath,
All the bullshit I speak,
When my soul goes asunder,
All poised for the dread,
I reach out my hand, for,
The Jeff in my head.
At times I feel trapped,
With nowhere to go,
Held hostage by time,
And a crook status quo,
But I never give up,
When my thoughts race ahead,
I can always converse, with,
The Jeff in my head.
© BB - 27th Apr 2021
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