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[Helloiamaturtle]

Hi, this is my first time posting here 

I wanted to join an in person bpd support group but the only one I could find was too far and meets monthly 

There's a weekly one for general mental health issues on wednesday evenings that i've wanted to go to but it's been difficult getting the motivation to go, and not having a car makes it harder 

I've been diagnosed with BPD for abit over 3 years after a few hospital admissions 

I felt instantly rejected and hated by everyone in my life and no matter how much I said I didn't want to hurt people and I couldn't control my anger no one would hear anything I had to say and they all treated me like I was the problem and I lost alot of relationships that I had spent years building 

I can't get ndis, I'm not in touch with any family, I don't have any support from anyone in my life because everyone's too busy living for themselves and I have so many complex health issues it's too difficult to get to social things, maintain friendships, or work 

I have no hope and no reason to live and so many people have said they'll be by my side and left I don't want to make new friendships anymore but being on my own so much is so agonising 

[tyme]

Hey @Helloiamaturtle ,

Which state do you reside in (only if you feel comfortable sharing)? There are a few online  groups/sessions you may be eligible for that I can direct you to.

I have BPD, and so I know some of the challenges of having BPD. 

I was fortunate enough to get a lot of external support in the public mental health system, and like you, I had hospital admissions but as a circuit breaker for imminent risk. 

I struggled with BPD for about 15 years. My and had no family or friends to support. I didn't 'wake up' to genuinely get support until about 10 years after my diagnosis.

Just to share some hope with you, I am in a really good place now. From hardly being able to function, I'm at a stage where BPD doesn't rule my life anymore. Instead, I've learnt to embrace my BPD and really use it as a stepping stone to get to the awesome place I am now.

If it weren't for my BPD, I would not be here, doing the things I do now. It's given me so much more compassion and understanding of others. It's opened up my connections with a wide range of people. It's given me the opportunity to advocate for those with BPD.

If you have any questions, please ask away. I'd be more than happy to respond.

[Helloiamaturtle]

Hi @tyme I'm in Victoria. 

Thank you for the encouragement. It's given me a tiny bit of hope. I'm very glad to hear that you're in a good place and have found purpose through your experience of BPD. I did find out recently that there are some real positives to having BPD - most have an IQ above 130, highly developed empathy, intuition, resilience, and creativity. 

I have a few questions: Do you still have bpd? What were things you found helpful/not helpful? Do most symptoms subside once you're past mid/late 30s (if you have passed that stage)? What advice would you give to younger people struggling with bpd? What does your day to day life look like now? How do you advocate for others with bpd/similar struggles? 

Thanks in advance 🙂 

[tyme]

Hey @Helloiamaturtle ,

I didn't start therapy for BPD until my 30s. I think I was 33 or something. I have intensive MBT treatment in Victoria through Spectrum, a specialist BPD service, and now also for complex trauma. 

I cannot even describe what MBT was, but it worked. It consisted of talking therapy, twice a week - both individual and group sessions. This went for about 18months. I came out a different person. This was my experience.

In my 20s, I don't think I was really ready for any change even though I said I wanted it. For me, my 20s was a blur of hospital admissions, blow ups, rage episodes, depression, anxiety, disordered eating etc... It was messy.

In Victoria, PARCs also played a huge part in my recovery. Not sure if you have any in your area.

Do you still have bpd?

I'll say yes, but I'm at a functional level where it doesn't affect me much anymore.

What were things you found helpful/not helpful?

Helpful?

- Have an Advance Statement done which stipulates what you want/don't want as part of your recovery.

- Regular admissions into PARCs (prevention and recovery centres)

- Have a Multidisciplinary team - psychosocial worker, case manager, psychiatrist, psychologist, GP, MBT Clinician, peer worker

- Long-term MBT treatment

- medication to help with my insomnia, anxiety and depression. It helped me to be 'ready' for talking therapy.

Not Helpful?

- I hated people telling me what to do. I wanted choice in my recovery.

- Certain psychiatrists that I didn't get along with

- Inpatient stays was not conducive to recovery - merely a circuit breaker.

Do most symptoms subside once you're past mid/late 30s (if you have passed that stage)?

I'm in my late 30s now and with therapy, the symptoms are close to non-existent. I feel I'm in the maintenance stage so I still keep in touch with a psychologist once every so often.

What advice would you give to younger people struggling with bpd?

You will learn HEAPS from it if you are ready to. BPD really changes your life, including in good ways. Run with what feels uncomfortable because this where the change happens. e.g. I hated talking to people when I was upset, but I made myself do it as a way of changing my regular thinking patterns and behaviours. 

Recovery involves a LOT of HARD work on your part. No one can 'fix' you. YOU have to do it. It is NOT an easy journey but the result can be incredible.

Always remember, BPD it absolutely treatable.

What does your day to day life look like now?

My day starts early in the morning. I work, I help people, I advocate for those with disability, I work with families with children they are struggling with, I'm here on the forums 5 of the 7 days a week, I run group events, I participate in BPD Awareness week events etc.

My life is VERY full but VERY fulfilling. I still have areas to work on such as socialisation, but it doesn't stop me from living. I can improve in that area, but I'm not crippled if I need to socialise.

How do you advocate for others with bpd/similar struggles? 

I normalise BPD. I want people to know that most people have BPD traits and the traits are pretty 'normal'. However, where it differs is that for people with BPD, it can really stop them from living. 

End note? I wouldn't trade my BPD for anything. I have really learnt so much as a person and grown from it. I wouldn't have grown to where I am now if it weren't for my BPD. 

[wild_rose]

Hi @Helloiamaturtle 

Long time BPD sufferer here too.

I can empathise with a lot of what you have said here. BPD really is a hard disorder to live with.

I was diagnosed in my 20s and it took a long time for me to accept it and I kept making really bad decisions and acted a lot on impulsivity.

I've also had a few hospital admissions in my life so I feel you there.

Just wanted to say you're not alone, there are many of us out the with BPD and this community in some of my darker days, which is why I always seem to find my way back here every so often...

Take care of you and please be kind to yourself, I know it's hard. Also if you have any questions, feel free to ask away, I'm a bit of open book, the joys of online anonymity

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @wild_rose .

It's great to hear from the community. 

@Helloiamaturtle  , I don't know if I'm being biased, but I feel there are many here on the forums who have BPD. 

Feel free to also visit Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

[tyme]

Hi there @Helloiamaturtle @wild_rose ,

How are you both?

[magnolia84]

@tyme 

I read your replies on here to the OP and they were so kind and helpful and it really resonated with me. I was diagnosed by one psych with BPD but my previous psych and current psych don't agree with the diagnosis so just plodding on. There is definitely complex trauma which has affected every aspect of my life.

Thank you for being so transparent about your recovery.

[tyme]

Hey @magnolia84 ,

Glad we have met.

Thank you for your message.

I guess what is most important is considering what is impacting your life most. What is it that you want to work on and where do you want to see changes?

Do the other 2 psychs have any other hinters for you if they don't think it is BPD?

[magnolia84]

@tyme 

Thanks for your message. 

Gosh that's such a hard question. At the moment everything is impacting my life. I made some pretty poor life choices recently that has resulted in me losing my job and entire career, most of my friends, my home and the life I was leading along with now facing some pretty big consequences. Working out the why I chose those actions is probably paramount plus just coping with the stress of the above. I can't drop my anchor here, this is not the way my life will play out and I will fight through this. It will just take time.

So far there is pretty significant trauma responses and maladaptive coping skills. 

I hope you have had a lovely weekend.