I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’ll have a look if we have time @Bow. It’ll just be a day trip. Dad won’t cope with 3 dogs overnight. It’s only about an hour and 45 minutes. I was watching travel guides and they are doing Katoomba and the central west next week. Mum rang me and asked if I have done the railway and that she wants to do it. 

[Bow]

Oh travelling with that many dogs is a lot! @Captain24 

Don’t forget to book tickets for scenic world and they don’t let you in until 15mins prior! They were heaps strict. Told us to go back into town and get a cuppa cause we were 45mins early…. Yet there was like over 100 tickets available online for our time slot!

[Captain24]

The dogs will stay at home with dad. @Bow It'll just be me and mum. Thanks for the tip! 

[tyme]

Makes sense...  @Captain24 

In the past, I have also been disappointed with changes that had a similar effect. I used to get very very down and low about it, but while I was recovering, I grasped the fact that perhaps whatever I was waiting for wasn't for me and that I could do it on my own. 

An example of this was a possible admission to PARCS which I would've been waiting for. I vaguely remember that the admission didn't go ahead. At first I was upset but then I turned the opportunity and said that this happened for a reason, and perhaps I could prove that I COULD get through things on my own... AND I DID!

I'm not sure if this is coming through very clear... my brain is a bit messy tonight and I feel I've got so much to 'BLAH' but I can't BLAH it all out! @Captain24 

As for your brother... I really don't know what to say except I hear how you feel about him calling you only when he needs something...

Can you get food from your parents? (Did you bro ask your parents for $$$ first?)

I just wanted to eat avocados. I had 5.. I just threw 4 out because I hadn't eaten them and they got old.. oops! Sorry to waste food. Do you like avocados?

With your friends, I'm glad you set some boundaries in protecting yourself. You have been doing so much better - you can't really afford to be pulled down now.

The little one??? She was cute yesterday. I got her her own first ever iced chocolate with cream on top. She was so excited. We also met her friend from daycare at starbucks so we went to the park and library together. She's starting school next year! She's such a baby! 

My sister was saying to the eldest that the eldest was very good the other day, and the boy was also being very good (behaviour). Then the little one perks up, "So I guess I'm not good then?"

And a few minutes ago, I heard major SSCREAMING! I went over to their place... the little one didn't want to wear her night clothes because they felt too cold.... geezz.. these kids are princesses!

[Captain24]

I’m a big believer of ‘if it’s meant to be it’ll be’ but it’s hard right now @tyme. I had to put so much organisation into it to be able to go. But I guess it’s not my time. 

Im worried that a lot can happen before I’m able to go back again. But with what I’ve been through recently I guess I can do it on my own. 

I get what you are saying. 

He did say to me that he knows he doesn’t deserve it but I just couldn’t say no. He wouldn’t have asked mum. It’s just between us like the other 3 times. He has a girlfriend but she doesn’t work. Apparently she has MH issues and I wouldn’t understand! I feel like I’m not taken seriously because I get up and go to work. I don’t think people realise how hard it is to get up at 4:30 in the morning when all you want to do is end your life. It’s not easy. 

Nah.. I’ll just have to deal with it. I won’t ask for help. I think everyone forgets that I have over $1000 worth of appointments each month. That’s without seeing the Pdoc. 

I hate avocados. It just feels like slime! 

I am trying to focus on just me. If I don’t I will fall backwards. I already know that it’s a possibility but I’m working hard to make sure if I do that I have the tools to bring myself back easier. 

OH that’s so cute.. I’m sure she felt really special and to have it with a little friend. School already? I still think her if that little one at the caravan park ‘who’s doing wee’s’

Shes so cute.. I love how she picks up on what people are saying. But if she chucked a tantrum then I guess it was a no.. she wasn’t being good. Too cold is priceless. 

Oh.. I wrote my article and emailed it today

[Captain24]

I’ve been trying to distract myself from feeling unimportant, not worth anyone’s time, feeling used and just being a burden. 

I went back to bed this morning cause it was so cold. It was a feels like of -5.8. I just couldn’t face it. 

But I have done a little bit of Lego this afternoon. I haven’t done anything else though. 

No need to respond. I don’t want to take up anyone’s time. 

 

  

[Ru-bee]

Wow @Captain24 these are amazing!

Those little succulent ones are soooo cute haha

You're always worth our time, and never a burden! I'm happy to see you here 😊 although I will be finishing up soon this is a nice way to end my day

[AuntGlow]

Oh my goodness!! The little plants are my favourite, SO CUTE! @Captain24 

Also, always happy to talk to you, you know that. 💛 What else has been happening today? ☺️

PS: @Bow check out these Legos! Thought they might be your vibe. 

[Bow]

I love the little pots @Captain24  i have them on my shelf. I also have the bunch of flowers still to do. 
I actually did some Lego this arvo too. A different t flower set. 

[Captain24]

Thanks @Ru-bee. I just don’t feel it today. I feel like no one cares. I was suppose to receive a call yesterday but it didn’t happen and still didn’t happen today. A friend was going to chase it up and I haven’t heard from her either. 

My brother didn’t even respond when I sent him the money I had until I get paid. 

Im just a bother to everyone. 

I’ve been trying to look after myself today but it doesn’t seem to be working 

@AuntGlow