I can’t cope

[AuntGlow]

Hello @Captain24,

Thank you for your reply and update. 

It can be an awful feeling; I experience that too... I have noticed that exploring things that help me feel most connected to myself really helps. For example, music.

Does anything come to mind for you?

It sounds like you are feeling really exhausted. 😔 

I will be here when you get back - I know we are all busy, it's okay! I do hope you have more time for rest tonight though. ☺️

[AuntGlow]

@Captain24 now, to answer your last comment!

Of course, I appreciate you reading. 

That's okay, I get that. Trust takes time. ☺️

Gah, yes - that would be hard. Medication changes can really throw us off-kilter. What kinds of things have been helping you with grounding during this shift?

No way! That's so cool - I studied musical theatre many moons ago. I still dabble in it when I have the time and space. Do you still dance?

Embodiment practices are exactly that - dance, movement, yoga, breathwork, singing, visualisations, archetype work - anything that mindfully explores the mind/body connection. 

Aww that's so sweet!! Have you sent through pictures of them before? I would love to see your fur babies!

Thank you so much again, I am grateful you decided to answer. 💛

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 I'd just been thinking about you and wanted to pop by and say hello. I won't be around when you finish work but I wanted to leave a hello message anyway!

I actually will be off for quite a few days I think! I've got some training for work the next two days and then I've got the long weekend off to rest which I'm really looking forward to. When are your next days off? And do you have anything planned?

Anyway, I hope today has been okay and I look forward to catching up next week!

[Captain24]

Hi @AuntGlow 

I just got home. 

This shows you how rural I live. I left the car park at work and followed a car to the main road. The car was driving slowly as there was an emu walking along the road! 

I’ve been working with my psych through all these changes. I’ve been disassociating a lot. Like whole days. So I’m using sour warheads to help me stay present and chewing chewing gum. I have to do the 5 things when I get in the car to drive. I ran off the road and didn’t come out of the disassociating until I hit a guide post. 

Im using a shower or a bath but that can be hard when you just don’t feel like it. I have had a lot of baths though. Cold icy poles and going outside in the cold. I’ve been working through my safety plan. 

Nah I gave up dancing 7 years ago. So I danced from 26-41! 

Im not really good at that kind of mindfulness. My mindfulness is more sitting outside, watching the sunrise or sunset.. that kinda stuff. Of and the beach when I can get there. It’s 4 hours away. 

Pixie is the tan one and she’s a good girl. The black one is Jett and he is an arsehole! 

 

[AuntGlow]

@Captain24 An emu!! No way, that's so cool. What's it like living rurally?

It sounds like your psychologist is really helpful, I like hearing this. ☺️

Gosh, that must have been so scary to experience... I am really glad to know you have strategies to help prevent this from happening again. 💛

Working through your safety plan sounds very helpful - what will you do for yourself tonight?

I see! It's so interesting how different things help different people, I often have to be engaging in something to be more present, so I think that's amazing that you are able to take in your surroundings and practice mindfulness that way. 

Oh my goodness, are they chihuahua's?! I really want one, they are so cute - bless little Pixie.

Jett is so handsome. It's always the attractive ones that are as*hole's, isn't it? :face_with_rolling_eyes:😂

[Captain24]

They are always walking along the roads at work and those massive yellow trucks don’t scare them! @AuntGlow I work in a coal mine and drive those massive trucks. Just so that makes a bit of sense. It also explains day shifts and nightshifts. 

Out at work I’ve seen most native animals. 

I prefer rural to the city. It’s hard though. I tried to get a GP appointment i have to wait 6 weeks. 

All my other appointments are Telehealth as there is no services here. I’ve never met my psychiatrist or dietitian but I did meet my psychologist in hospital. However hospital is 4 hours away. 

That’s the thing with living in the country. Everything is so far away. We have a little big w here and a little Kmart. So if we need to go shopping we have to travel 1 1/2 - 2hours. All specialist appraisal are away. 

My psych is absolutely amazing. 

It was a bit scary. The hard thing is knowing that it was deliberate. 

Im just having some cold pizza for dinner and watching tv. I just rang mum for her birthday. So I’ve basically just sat down and stopped. The part of my SP that’s I’ll use is the having a shower!

They are chihuahuas. Both long haired but both completely different. They are the best little dogs. So loving and caring. Well Jett some of the time 😜 

[AuntGlow]

Ah, that does make sense! Thank you for the extra information. What do you enjoy about your work? ✨ @Captain24 

And do you have a favourite native animal?

ooh, that would be really tough. I wish there was more access to essential supports rurally. It's a blessing that we have telehealth, I am so glad you have accessed support online. 

How little are we talkin'? 👀

Aw, that's so wonderful. What is a lesson that you've taken away from your psych that you wish everyone knew? 

Yay - Happy Birthday Mum! I am sure she really appreciated that call. 🥰

Having a shower is such a good reset, honestly - great idea.

hahah well, I will let you know if I ever get one then. 🙊

I would love to keep chatting, though my shift ends very soon. But I will definitely check-in when I am in next, okay? 

It's been so nice getting to know you! I hope you sleep well when you get there. 😴

[Captain24]

Have a good night @AuntGlow 

Ill respond in the morning. 

[Captain24]

My job is easy and after 25 years of retail including management, I don’t have to deal with customers or receive phones calls at anytime day or night or on holidays! @AuntGlow 

My favourite animal is the eastern rosella! Watching the wedge-tail eagles are amazing though. They are massive and glide through the air with such grace. Do you have one? 

The best thing that came out of Covid is Telehealth. I wouldn’t have the supports without it. 

With my psych.. everyone deserves compassion and to be heard. Recovery is about the little things. Such as, ‘you may have been tempted but you didn’t take extra medication this time’ ‘you remembered to look at your safety plan’ ‘you did get outta bed today when it was really hard’ she says these ahow strength in times when you feel like you don’t have anything. Also ‘feelings aren’t facts!’

How little the shops are is hard to describe. The Kmart is probably a similar size to a larger just jeans store. It probably has around 10 rows of women’s clothing and only a purple of rows of other things, like toys is three rows, electrical appliances is only three rows. Big W is harder to compare. Probably a third of the size of a regular big w. 

Yes a check in would be nice. I’m on nightshift for the next 2 nights so I won’t be around from about 12 today until Friday. Sometimes I do pop in if I have time. I do read any posts but just may not have time to respond. 

[Captain24]

I just got home from grocery shopping. I went early so I didn’t have to talk to people. I’m not up for human interaction right now.

Im feeling really really low. I just want to curl up back in bed. I don’t want to face the day. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to disappear altogether.