I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I am a failure @Ru-bee. I can’t do anymore. I can’t tidy my kitchen. I can’t do the ironing. I’m a failure. 

Im sitting here crying. I don’t even have the tv turned on. I’m such a loser. 

I’ve just fed my dogs and taken my meds. Hopefully they kick in soon. I need today to be over. I can’t function. What sort of a person does that make me? It took all I had to call last night (twice) I don’t think I can do it again. I’m sorry that’s not recovery focused but right now recovery seems out of reach. I can’t even see tomorrow. 

[Ru-bee]

You got through the day @Captain24 that means in my book you can't be a failure

The only failure around here is my heater which has stopped working. My nose is freeeeeezing 

Just take it one step at a time tonight, tomorrow will come

[Captain24]

I just got off the phone to mum. She whinged about her life. I know it’s really selfish of me but I just can’t take anything else. @Ru-bee. I’m a horrible daughter. Im a horrible person. 

One thing we aren’t sure if the bbq is going to happen. But now I’m scared that they are going to come and visit earlier. I’m stressing out with the unknown. I need to have a plan and know what’s going on. I don’t cope with uncertainty. What if they come and I’m not ready? I’m scared. I’m on edge. I don’t feel ok. I don’t know what I’m thinking. 

[Ru-bee]

My mum sometimes like to call me and launch into an issue she's having. Sometimes I've had to interrupt her and let her know as nice as I can that I just do not have the space right now @Captain24 

Being daughters doesn't mean that we have endless capacity to listen and support. 

I'm noticing that you're struggling with a lot of negative thoughts about yourself and I'm sorry that these are coming up so strongly for you. I know it's so hard and that they can be very convincing, but I just gently want to remind you that thoughts don't equal facts, but they can sound like it the more we repeat them

Is there anything that you're able to do tonight to look after yourself? Maybe getting a good night's sleep after making it through a hard day?

[Captain24]

Thanks @Ru-bee for being here. I appreciate it. 

Im not safe so I'm going to have a shower and go to bed. 

I’m sorry. 

Im sorry @tyme i won’t be here when you’ve finished. Maybe we can talk tomorrow? 

[Ru-bee]

No need to apologise @Captain24 proud of you for doing what you need to keep safe tonight. 

Rest well 💜

[tyme]

Awww. Sorry, I only just finished @Captain24 . Hope you are find a way to show yourself some compassion.

Hugs.

[Captain24]

Sorry @tyme. I’ve just got to go to bed. Things will escalate if I don’t. I don’t want you to see me as a failure too

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , That's totally okay. I'm hearing you have to do what you have to do. That is part of self-care. I'm going to have an earlier night tonight. I've been staying up too late on projects. 

I'll catch you tomorrow.

[Captain24]

My heart is racing. It feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest. It hurts. I hurt. I can’t breathe. The shower didn’t help. I am in bed though.