I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It is a massive effort @Bow. But I’ve done it and a few other things as well. 

[Captain24]

My anxiety is pretty high. I’m waiting for my psych appointment at 1. So not much longer. I’m scared that it’s going to be as hard as last week. We have so much hard stuff to talk about. The last 2 weeks have been hell. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 I think you might have started your session by the time I've sent this, but I'll be here after if you want to debrief at all

[Captain24]

The session went well. @Ru-bee. I did get in trouble for not reaching out though. She said I should have contacted her to tell her how bad it was. She also apologised for not checking in with me. She apologised for pushing me so hard but I told her that was my fault as I wanted to do it and continue it.

We talked about everything. How suicidal I was, how I couldn’t function. She was impressed that I called the crisis line twice. She was also impressed that I’m trying to change my eating habits especially during what I was going through. 

We talked about the paranoia that happened the other day. I think she is concerned about it but is parking it for now to come back too if it happens again. This is the second time it has happened. 

I told her how anxious I was about today’s appointment and that I was scared it was going to be as hard. That I wasn't ready for another hard appointment. We talked about me advocating for myself more. 

We also talked about me not being able to see her during my hospital stay unless I went to her other private practice. It’s 20 minutes away and I’d have to uber it as I’m not allowed to drive while inpatient. 

It was a really big appointment and now I’m really tired. 

[Ru-bee]

It definitely sound like a big appointment @Captain24 though maybe not as intense as your last one? Still very tiring to go through all of that

Are you able to take the rest of the afternoon to rest and process the appointment?

[Captain24]

It was a big one but definitely nowhere near as intense. @Ru-bee 

I would like to rest. I really feel the need for it but I have a GP appointment at 4 for a MHCP review. Plus I have to go to the supermarket as I didn’t buy stuff for breakfast. 

I’ve just cooked the rissoles for work lunches and I still have to bake the veggies. It’s going to turn out to be a huge day that I’m not really able to cope with. 

[Ru-bee]

One thing at a time @Captain24 you can do this.

What's up first?

[Captain24]

I’m sitting at the doctors @Ru-bee. My heart is racing and I don’t know why. I forgot I had to go to the chemist but at least it’s in this building.

Then the supermarket and fuel. 

That’s as far as I can think right now. There is till so much more but I can focus on the things outside of the house then go back home and reset. 

[Ru-bee]

Getting through all the out of house stuff and then getting to go home and really rest is a good idea @Captain24 how are you going with the list? Anything else we can check off? I'm guessing GP is done and we can tick that one off

[Captain24]

GP done. Chemist done. Woollies done. Fuel done. @Ru-bee 

I’ve just peeled all the veggies and put them in the oven. I’m really overwhelmed at all the mess and that they will take so long to cook and that the silverside is done. But I don’t even know if it’s ok cause I haven’t checked it. I don’t want to get it out until the veggies are nearly done. 

I have to clean up all my mess. I need to make the sauce but don’t know how. I have to google it. Dinner won’t be for another hour. Then I have to pack it into containers to go to work. 

My anxiety is racing.. 

Im panicking 

I can’t breathe

I'm shaking