I can’t cope

[Captain24]

He never does and I shouldn’t expect anything else @AuntGlow.

Yeah a few triggers of not being worth it right now and self worth is an issue. I always feel worthless so this kinda cements it. I have been working on the worthlessness though. 

I am listening to her and feeling a little like I’m worth her time and support

The noodles were horrible but it’s all I had. 

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

Nah he won’t pay it back. @tyme. I don’t get birthday or Christmas presents from him either. 

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Now THAT's the part I don't agree with - but that's just me. I'm mindful people's family dynamics are different. However, if it is upsetting for you, I wonder if you would consider having an honest convo with him? Esp if you don't even have food in your pantry... and also if it's not the first time...

But as I said, family dynamics can be different and complex. I'm just looking after you 🙂

You know what? I've been putting off ironing for so long but I finally tackled some of it today. So much so that I don't have any more coat hangers! I've still got half a basket full. I also changed my sheets, did the washing, made my bed with fresh sheets, vaccuumed cleaned... but there's still so much more to do! Never ends!

With these kiddos, I'm already prepared that they will leave so I guess if that's what I expect, then I won't get disappointed. However, if they choose to hang around, then I get a surprise! LOL. 

Argh.... I have low expectations lol.. then I won't be disappointed.

You sound like you still have a fair bit to do tomorrow. I went to Costco today... worst nightmare. I zoomed in, got eggs and milk and left... Such a stressful place to shop. @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I feel bad for him. I struggled before and he helped me but he was living at home rent free. I’m the one with a good job but everyone seems to forget that I have a mortgage and pay full price for everything and have hundreds of dollars worth of appointments. He goes to a bulk billing practice to see the GP and his girlfriend is too sick to work. But apparently I don’t understand how hard it is for her. @tyme I can’t say anything as it’s expected of me. 

I don’t mean to brag (well actually I do 😜) but I’ve gotten to the bottom of my ironing pile! I did it all yesterday. Sounds like you have had a very productive day! I hope you feel like you have and can see and feel it. 

At least you are prepared. I hope they don’t do it to you though. 

That sounds like a good way to go into it.

Ive only ever been once and that was years ago. There was a lot in there but I didn’t realise I could just get basic grocery stuff. 

Did you read my article for the newsletter? 

[AuntGlow]

What have you been exploring to work on this sense of worthlessness? ☺️ @Captain24 

I can see you are having some fun, light chats - getting to the bottom of the ironing pile?! 🥳

I have finally started some washing today, but I must admit, I never iron... hahah 

Glad to know you are contributing to The Newsletter as well!! Did you enjoy getting creative? 

[Captain24]

Worthlessness is just something I have to live with. It was drummed into me as a child. But I’m telling myself that my dogs think I’m worth something. I know I’m clutching at straws but I got a start somewhere. @AuntGlow 

Yeah. I can do light hearted. It’s not all doom and gloom. There’s no SI involved just down on myself. 

OMG iron everything. Even my work shirts that’ll be under my jumper and no one will see anyway! 

Washing is never ending. I’ve got a pile to do and have to do it tomorrow. 

It’s not very creative! I think I did ok though. 

[tyme]

Congrats for getting to the bottom of your ironing pile - until your next load lol @Captain24 

With your bro, I guess do what you think is right. Maybe the next time he asks, give yourself a day before you respond? I wonder if this will then allow you to respond with more clarity rather than an emotionally driven reaction? Totally up to you though. We will support you in whatever you choose to decide.

I hear he has helped you in the past. And I guess he is supporting both himself and his partner at the moment.

As for Costco, yes, they have regular groceries... I just find the place so stressful. I've been a total of 3 times in my life, and that's more than enough.

As for your newletter article - no, I'm not reading any of them because I want a 'surprise' with what the community comes out with 🙂 I'm excited for it 🙂

[Captain24]

Thanks for reminding me!! 😜 @tyme 

I know that I shouldn’t do it but I just can’t not. It’s not in me to not help. I’ve done a lot for him though but I just have to accept that that is the way he is. 

The nearest Costco is nearly 4 hours away so there is no point in getting a membership to go back in. I don’t go to  Sydney anyway. I hate it. 

I understand the wait. I’m looking forward to it. 

Pixie is driving me nuts! I dont know what she wants! One minute she wants to get in the lounge. Then she won’t let me pick her up. Then she hassles me some more and lets me put her in the lounge. Then she gets of an it’s just on repeat! 

Jett and his pillow! 

 

[AuntGlow]

I hear you... those core beliefs, oof - so hard to simply shift or shake off. @Captain24 

Whilst your experiences have shaped who you are in some ways, they don't define you. And I hope, in time, we can slowly start to create new narratives together - because you are most certainly worthy (as are your pups hehe). 

Wow, you are dedicated!! (I am very bad at household things overall 🫣)

Well, either way, I am excited to read it. 🤩

I will be back tomorrow, looking forward to chatting more then. ☺️

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 just wanted to check in with you early on in my shift today since I could only pop in and out yesterday, but I'm here a bit later today 😊. 

How's your day going so far? I've been running around doing a few errands this morning so it feels really nice to finally sit down at my computer and catch up on everything here. I've got my little Toby curled up on my lap. I laughed reading about Pixie being cheeky last night, though I bet it would've been pretty annoying. Don't you sometimes just wish you could ask them "What do you want???"

[Captain24]

I have a few deep imbedded core beliefs. @AuntGlow. I’m not good enough. I’m a horrible person. I’m as ugly as a hat full of arseholes. Plus more. It was a pretty unsupportive childhood. It’ll take a lot to reduce them. 

I have a sick dog so I’m not bathing them today. I’ll just let her sleep. But I have done 2 loads of washing. I do need to give the house a once over though. It looks pretty good though. 

I keep watching to see if my pay goes in but it hasn’t yet so it’s 2 minute noodles for lunch. I’m hoping it goes in early enough for me to cook proper meals for work. 

I had a call from the hospital but I have to wait for a call next week from the head coordinator. I’ll be asleep but I’ll just have to answer. 

I’ve been looking after myself. I’m sitting doing Lego and trying to do that self talk stuff. It’s not positive but it’s practical.