Hi @PeppyPatti
My life the past couple of years had been full of "hardest things ever" and I've gotten some great support though it from groups like this, so it just makes me want to pay it forward a little bit and I do like helping people. Especially with mental health. Now that I've dealt with the 'system' the past year or so, I see just how vital it is that we come together and try to help each other as much as possible.
My partner is an OT and now manages the team of OTs at her work. I know she says a good support coordinator is very important in dealing with the NDIS. It can get really bad. Unfortunately, a lot of people do try to rort the system and it just makes it harder for people just trying to get by. I know my partner has said that when doing functional assessments for people, it's important to note any small issues, even if they are only problems some of the time as it can help a lot getting things through the system. So try not to be to upset feeling like you're being overly scrutinized, it would ultimately be to your benefit. Assuming you don't feel it was too unfair or exaggerated of course. Bit I do understand it can be quite upsetting for some people. A lot of people do discount issues they have when having these assessments because they think they're not that bad, but they all add up to form a better picture of how much support you are entitled to. I definitely think sticking with the NDIS is the right choice. I know the system is far from perfect, but it is better than nothing... mostly.
"2nd PASS (post adoption support services) appointment." It's a service provided by Relationships SA for adoptees. They provide counseling and services for adoptees to find their biological families, help with contacting them, and support dealing with the long term effects a lot of adoptees have. Attachment issues are very common. They say you feel the loss of your maternal connection as a trauma that stays with you throughout your life.
For me it was never really like a punch to the gut because I've been dealing with it and trying to figure out why I feel and act the way I do all of my life. There are certain memories along the way do do stick with me and do feel like those gut punches. Especially the past couple of months. After thinking one way about my adoption my whole life to finding out recently that a lot of my issues are a very common side effect of adoption and that single mothers, like mine, were very often forced to give their babies away. So I've had to rethink a lot of stuff I've always believed. So talking about that today and how it changed my view of my biological mother knowing that she was just as traumatised as I was rather than a decision she made to give me up had changed things quite a bit and has made me upset now knowing that this 'closed adoption' period did awful things to my mother.
But it was there that I started to get extremely emotional today when I told her this and then about the letter I sent her before I traveled interstate to meet her. I said in this letter that I didn't care why I was given up for adoption, I had no desire for any explanation from her, I just wanted to meet her and finally talk to her and that I had always missed her a great deal. But knowing now that she was forced to give me up, just makes that letter I sent her even more important because I got to tell her I never blamed her or was angry... I just wanted us to meet again and get to know each other. Then I remembered the last time I saw her, the night before we had to leave to drive back to Adelaide. I had spent the night with her and I was tired and just wanted to get some sleep before the long drive. If I had known that was the last time I saw here before she passed away, I would of spent the whole night with her if I had to. I know I couldn't have known, but it's so painful to know I only ever got to spend a handful of hours with her.
Sorry, I've gone off on a bit of a rant again. It's all still a bit raw. Maybe it was a bigger punch to the gut than I thought.
If I've learned one thing the past couple of years, it's that it's always a good move to draw our support people close to us when we're struggling or unsure about things. So hopefully doing that can help both you and your son. In the mean time, I (and everyone here) are happy to listen and support you however we can. As the old saying goes... "A problem shared is a problem halved".
