Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Bast,
I feel your pain and I know it's difficult but it is obvious the way you are is causing tension between you and your husband.For someone like me who is on their own and never met anyone I ask you to take a step back and take a look at the situation because it sounds like with your husband and cats you are fortunate.Losing animals is devastating,letting them go because it's the best for them is the hardest thing but when you are unable to move on like I have in the past I know it's a issue that manifests .I am gathering the new cat was your husband's idea?To try to make you happy ? Probably take him a while to settle down,they get traumatized. Take care.

Note:yes,it's stressful when they meow in the car and scratch to escape.I once had to take my black feral cat to the vet and afterwards I could've went to the Pub.Im not a drinker but I could've done with one that day.

[Bast]

@Li1@utopia@Sans911@dugga

Hello magneficent people

I am so grateful for your replies. The sincerity, understanding and support have truly given me a strong sense of being hugged, cared about and understood. 

Your words of great wisdom have also in so many ways re-aligned some of my very tattered thinking. I am just so honoured to receive so much care. 

I am certain that I was able to function so much better in my therapy practice today, as a result. Yesterday, the panic, anxiety and tears were relentless. My 11 year old Articulate did come home from the vets. He has antibiotic treatment and bloods were done. He is doing OK, just needs a diet to assist with a degree of renal failure. My fears of losing him too also were completely unfounded. 

I agree, Bast is irreplaceable and to grieve is necessary. I am now able to come to terms with Odin's behaviours, they pre-date his new home. Incredible wisdom from you all - things that I do know just I couldn't comprehend - all cats are sensitive to emotions. Today I am 'somewhat' saner whatever that truly means. I had taken all the experiences to the next level and was convinced that "he hates me." I have at least returned for a while and am not completely irrational.

My husband did explain that Odin is for us - all I could take on board was anything I perceived to be negative or a criticism and add to the current enormous pile of poo I have going on in my mind. 

I hope you are all doing OK, please let me know.

Thank you so much Bastless

[Sans911]

@BastNice to hear from you again, and that things are settling a little. That doesn't mean your grief for your beautiful Bast is over. There will be many ups and down yet, but if you re starting to see things more clearly that will start to easing your anxiety, and hopefully in time Odin will react differently to you; with love and affection. I understand you perhaps think your husband is not grieving for Bast, and perhaps he thinks 'replacing' Bast is the best move forward. Everyone grieves in different ways, and our relationships, human and otherwise are not identical in our interactions with each other. So give your husband space if he needs, give Odin space, and more importantly, give yourself space, time, and be kind to yourself. You are hurting in so many ways, from so many angles, but you are not a terrible person at all. You are kind, considerate, compassionate and thoughtful. Take Care Bast(less).

[Bast]

@Sans911

Dear Sans911

Thank you so much - your words resonate deeply and I have a soggy keyboard, pretty well essential to allow the tears to flow. You are so right, the husband comes from a background of minimal emotional expression and he has a new and traumatised Odin to care for, perhaps sublimation is his solution and that is perfectly OK. 

For me, as you have alluded to the complexities are really difficult, yes I have come to terms with the need to give them space, I simply cannot traumatise Odin any further. I have spoken with my husband that I now represent a threat to Odin and the way forward is very gentle exposure and only when I am emotionally stable enough to be with him. I think my husband has taken some of this on board. I know my way ahead is not evident and I can only recognise and respect myself enough to allow myself time. 

It is incredibly hard to be told repeatedly "what are you so sad for?" although I am trying for the brave face thing, I am not able to succeed currently. 

I recognise that I can only do so much and 2 days of practice does take a toll. However it haskept me going throughout the nightmare of this year - to help others matters. 

I thank you for your beautiful and reinforcing words, you so get it, my self talk is abysmal.

With hugs and thoughts for you

Bastless

[Former-Member]

@Bast,

I'm in that place tonight from not coping,stress and anxiety is snowballing me to a avalanche,so I understand.Its hard to get to know a cat,a cat that belonged to someone else,or who is timid like my boy who ,if a stranger comes he flees.As well when I'm stressed,or not coping,they know it so I say that cat senses that from you along with his trauma.Your husband probably just has more patience with the cat,which is a big part of the trust process.

Glad you are in a better place tonight,I know it's hard when you aren't coping,and the cats like mine and Bast,you use as a tool to give you purpose and to keep you going and when they are no longer there it's hard to cover that hole.

[Former-Member]

@Bast,

I'm in that place tonight from not coping,stress and anxiety is snowballing me to a avalanche,so I understand.Its hard to get to know a cat,a cat that belonged to someone else,or who is timid like my boy who ,if a stranger comes he flees.As well when I'm stressed,or not coping,they know it so I say that cat senses that from you along with his trauma.Your husband probably just has more patience with the cat,which is a big part of the trust process.

Glad you are in a better place tonight,I know it's hard when you aren't coping,and the cats like mine and Bast,you use as a tool to give you purpose and to keep you going and when they are no longer there it's hard to cover that hole.Give it time.

[Bast]

@Former-Member

What incredible imagery and analogies you write, the avalanch is indeed real. I am saddened for you and understand in my own snow shoes what that means. The shift of an entire cliff face is completely unstoppable. You do have though, a cave deep in the side of the mountain where you and your furrbaby can be safe. It is there. Inside there is firewood, glorious stalignites and incredible peace. You are surrounded with a mystical space and such a sense of safety. The cavern has multiple tiny lights from mosses that glow and the echoes of former peaceful ownership, depicted on the walls. There is a beautiful feather and intricately woven cape for cuddling into. Water drips into a natural pond and as you light the fire further comfort comes to you. Li1 you and your furrbaby sit and watch the flames, knowing you are safe. The avalanche is over, the cave has been a sanctuary for multitudes of years. You can feel the peace that has gone before. You allow yourself and your furrbaby to snuggle up before the fire and sleep.

With lotsa luv Bastless

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Bast

I've been in that shelter for a long time,but like yesterday,there were the obvious signs of cracks appearing with me concerned for my safety,realising I can only survive for so long before I have to face reality.The thoughts in my head are not those of survival and I get quite scared by the chaos in my head whilst I am riding out that storm.The only way I survive is to take calmatives to numb my thoughts to keep the body present.