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[The-red-centaur]

@Jynx I just spoke to my psychologist, I'm seeing her next Monday. 

I'm off to a card group at the library this afternoon.  Then bed early.

[Jynx]

Oh nice @The-red-centaur what kind of card games you play? 

I'm glad it's not too long to wait. Hope you didn't get a big cancellation fee or anything!

[The-red-centaur]

@Jynx the group at the library is a canasta group. The library runs it and i play with a nice group of older women. 

The psychologist is through community mental health. Luckily. I don't have fees with her. 

[The-red-centaur]

My arm hurts. My teeth hurt. My legs hurt. I'm sick of living in pain. And the pain My life is to everyone. I want to disappear. 

Goung out to the library feels like a waste. It's hard to cover up bandages. I bad an ok time. But the fake smile hurt. Joking around, laughing. It just feels so unlike me at the moment. 

I wish I could exit life. Hell  is already in my head so what am I afraid of. 

[Jynx]

Aww cool @The-red-centaur that's so wholesome! I bet they're a scream - I love playing cards with my grandma, she's so cheeky about it! Which is fun cos she's usually pretty reserved. 

Oh that's a relief! I hope the appt arrives before you know it. 

How are you feeling now, a couple hours on? 

[Jynx]

Oh snap @The-red-centaur I missed your next post somehow. My brain is a bit frazzled lol. 

I am really sorry that the pain is all so overwhelming. It does tend to impact literally everything else in life hey. So rough, I can understand why it would be getting you down. 

Did you have even a little bit of fun? A moment of true merriment? If so, perhaps it was worth it? And if not, at least you gave it a crack! 

I am hearing you - it all feels too much right now. I am a little concerned, are you safe atm? Should I flick you an email to check in? 

Sitting with you hun 💜

[The-red-centaur]

It's ok. 

[BossBaby]

@The-red-centaur , you sound like you are feeling powerless against the pain. I found something online by Susan Jeffers about going from pain to power, I was really drawn to a couple of things she said: "Power over your perceptions of the world, power over how you react to situations in your life, power to do what is necessary for your own self-growth...power to act" etc. Please don't undercut your ability to give the best you can to your card-playing group and whoever else you need or want to interact with. The power to act in this way is worthwhile! The power to lift conversation is satisfying in itself, commit to the conversations you must and withdraw where you can. As for the chronic physical pain, what are some of your strategies for lifting yourself out of some of that? or some of the worst of that? I hope you don't always feel this powerless. Or perhaps the word powerless doesn't resonate? Is there a better way of describing your relationship with your pain?

[The-red-centaur]

I just tried to sleep the pain snd the mood off @BossBaby @Jynx I'm a little better this morning. 

I have lived with pain a long time. And sometimes you just got to give up for the day and try again another day. As for being suicidal sleep can sometimes help with that too. 

I don't have much on today so might get into my studio and work on some stuff. I have to go groceries shopping this afternoon and that's about it. 

Hopefully today us a little easier. 

[The-red-centaur]

I have been trying to pain flowers lately. 

today is hard. I cant do this.