I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It’s really drizzly here so it’s all hanging inside or going in the dryer. @Ru-bee 

So much for not knowing what to say.. we went 15 minutes overtime! 

We talked about my mood and that I have possible SAD. We talked about how lonely I am but can’t reach out. We talked about how much that loneliness can hurt. Her thesis that she is doing is on loneliness! 

I have to drop anchor a couple of times a day. I have to notice what I am thinking and feeling. I have to notice when the loneliness happens. What has happened during the day to feel that way. What has happened when it gets so bad it hurts. 

T/W SH

We talked about passive SI. We talked about my extreme SH thoughts. Extreme in the intensity of the pain I want to inflict. 

Im tired and drained right now but I still have to go shopping for work tomorrow and get fuel. 

[Ru-bee]

Yes, I think I might need to end up taking some of mine to the laundromat to use their dryers @Captain24 

Sounds like that session brought a lot out! No wonder you're feeling a bit drained after it.

Dropping anchor throughout the day sounds like a really helpful way to get in tune with your thoughts and emotions. 

Sending you some strength to get to the shops, hope it's a quick and simple shop so you can come back and rest for the afternoon

[Captain24]

Shopping is done, now to pack it away @Ru-bee 

Now to talk myself into a shower and wash my hair. I don’t see that happening though. My passive SI has hit pretty hard. 

[Ru-bee]

Good on you @Captain24  I need to go grocery shopping tonight and I'm already thinking of ways I can put it off until tomorrow, but I know it'll be better once it's done.

Is there anything that would make that shower feel more doable right now? maybe if you skipped washing the hair and used some dry shampoo instead? 

[Captain24]

I went and laid down @Ru-bee. I think I might manage a shower when I get up. I’m undressed all ready so I’m halfway there. I don’t have any dry shampoo. I’ll just leave my hair for another day. It’ll take too much effort to dry it. 

[Captain24]

I managed to have that shower @Ru-bee. My body feels good and relaxed but my mind definitely doesn’t. 

[Ru-bee]

Go you for taking that shower @Captain24! Is there anything that might help to relax your mind, even if it's just a little? Has grounding been helping lately? 

[Captain24]

I’m not sure what I can do @Ru-bee. I’ve been doing some breathing. I just feel really despondent, alone and isolated. I feel despair and down. 

[Ru-bee]

Breathing's always my go-to as well @Captain24 I think it's a good place to start.

The community is here with you, you're not alone. But maybe it might help to talk to a support service on the phone? What do you think?

I'm just finishing up now, but @AuntGlow and @rav3n are here if you need support tonight 💜

[Captain24]

Thanks for today @Ru-bee 

I don’t want to be a bother to anyone.