Hello wonderful people ❤️ I’ve been having a particularly hard time again recently so I wanted to try something different to see if some online connection and hearing others experiences and strategies might help in some way. I haven’t engaged in an online forum since I was a pre-tween so feeling a bit nervous and vulnerable!
I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, self harm and meltdowns from a very early age (around 9 years old). I began to seek professional help with this around 19 (I’m in my late 20’s now) and while I do have periods of feeling really good, for the most part I feel like I’m a unwell person who has some good days, rather than the latter.
I’ve always been pretty “high-functioning”, although I can’t seem to last in a job for more than a year without burning out. I have a beautiful partner, a love that I never thought I would be capable of experiencing, and a small group of close friends who are the kindest, most supportive and loving people I know. I share a lot of my struggles with these people, and while it’s really difficult to be transparent, this always helps.
I’d been working my first job in the mental health field over the last year, and this was the first position I’ve been in that actually felt fulfilling to me. Unfortunately, this role ended just recently when I could no longer cope with the stress and I was having regular meltdowns weekly. I’m currently unemployed, and doing my best to find the courage and motivation to start applying for jobs again, but I’m still having quite regular meltdowns, which are of course exhausting and make doing anything difficult, especially when I don’t have any idea what sort of job I should do next.
Over the last few years, I’ve been considering more and more that my experience could be a result of Autism. It makes sense of a lot of things, but of course I’m still not 100% sure. I used my 10 Medicare sessions at the start of this year with a therapist which were extremely helpful, but mainly focussed on thinking, as well as putting practices in place so that I stayed safe during my meltdowns. I feel safe and connected to my support people around me, but it hasn’t made the recovery from these meltdowns any easier, and hasn’t seemed to reduce them coming on. I’ve only just realised recently that there is definitely some sensory things there which might be triggering them, but I really struggle to tap into these.
I now of course can’t afford to continue sessions with either my therapist or another therapist who might have some more experience with ASD and meltdowns, and I definitely can’t afford any level of assessment (which I could definitely be interested in in the future, purely for some validation/understanding of my experience). I think a next step could be to engage in some support groups, but just thinking of that sends my anxiety through the rooooof!
Thank you so much for whoever gives this a read. If anyone has any suggestions for forums relating to ASD, meltdowns, self harm, or even people struggling to decide what to do for work, please let me know.
Take care today, hope everyone is taking it gently (I’m doing my best to!)
💗
