The gift of giving too much *session closed*

[NikNik]

Hey hey!

As a carer, we give so much already, and sometimes when Christmas comes, we can feel pressure to give so much more.

Before complete chaos hits, join us now to share and pick up some tips on how to manage Christmas.

@CherryBomb will be joining us tonight to facilitate the discussion.

[CherryBomb]

Thanks @NikNik!

Yes, It’s the time of year again, where everything seems to get hectic, and time feels scarce. I’m not sure about everyone else, but no matter how much I try to prepare, time seems to just suddenly disappear. Planning something that is supposed to be fun and relaxing gets stressful. Getting presents, dealing with crowds, organizing travel, life admin, catching up with friends (is it me but has anyone else wondered why does everyone want to catch up before Xmas, like there’ll be no time in the new?)

 I am just buggered. Just tired. And when I get this way, I can’t help but get fixated on little things, and I get snappy about little things. It starts to impact on my relationships. Last night, this is what I find particularly challenging around this time of year. I noticed that on the poll most people say the 'Xmas is more stress than it's worth'. I'm keen to hear why people feel that way? @GivingMick, @Polyanna @Alessandra1992 @Snoo @Espoir  could you share some thoughts to get this conversation going?

[BeHappy]

I think it's more stress than it's worth, and find it hard to remember what festive season is really about. People seem to get into a frenzy this time of year. I find social demands this time of year is exhausting. Like you CherryBomb, I think most people place a lot of emphasis on wanting to meet before the year ends. I don't know why. I'd really just love to go away on a remote island and tend to my own needs after a hectic year of work, caring, and just life in general. 

[BeHappy]

[Cazzie]

I agree.  Trying to catch up with people before Christmas is the pits.  Luckily for me we live in a rural area that is generally laid back and not quite so fraught.

I am exhausted though.  My DH has been on the edge for three weeks now and as a result I've been walking on eggshells.  I'm totally exhausted by trying to be as strong as everyone thinks I should be.  I've spent almost half the past week in tears as he keeps walking all over my boundaries.

[CherryBomb]

@BeHappy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the pre-end of year social rush. Sounds like you're really in need of some down time (as with me). Got any plans on how you might gain some time to yourself?

[Alessandra1992]

Hmmm well personally I think Christmas can be stupidly stressful because of the pressure we put on ourselves..
So this year I have said No more than Yes and that's the right path for me. Better to leave early, better to be choosy about what I do..So I haven't found myself being a FOMO Fear Of Missing Out..
Less resentment then too for the people we care for because we do have choices sometimes.. One of them is definitely around keeping in contact with friends!

[BeHappy]

I hear you @Cazzie. 

The Christmas season is a stressor for my partner too. Is it a stressor for your DH?

CherryBomb - a five minute cuppa every now and then will have to do me until sometime in the new year. I'm going away the family so it's going to BUSY.  

[CherryBomb]

That's a wonderful point @Alessandra1992 - managing the pressure we put on ourselves to manage FOMO.

Did you find that there were any challenges with disappointing others about not being able to spend as much time with them? I think I'm speaking of my FOD (fear of disappointing).

@Cazzie, things sound tense at home for you.  It's tough when people bush our boundaries. I find when this happens, re-establishing by following with through with an action can help. For instance. If I have a friend that has an issue with drinking. I could communicate that I don't like being around when they drink. If they continue to drink around me, I will respond by removing myself from that particular situation. Does that make sense?

[Cazzie]

Yes @CherryBomb, things are very tense. There are some financial issues which have been weighing on him (a property sale that's not going through as it should).
On top of this my DH has a very selfish daughter. Last year she forced us to spend Christmas in separate houses (my DH with his children in QLD and me with my children at home in country NSW). This year she's invited her in-laws to our place for Christmas. As I would prefer not to have them here, but have no choice in the matter, this is an added stressor for both of us. I can go away either mentally (inside a book) or physically to visit my sister or lock myself in my quilt studio but the problem doesn't go away.
On top of these stresses (and stressors) the siege in Sydney has brought back lots of bad memories for my retired police officer husband.