Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

thanks for the update @eth , sending you hugs my friend 

had a very big day today soo very tired now , will be in bed soon i think 

make mum a cuppa first xoxo

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜🌷 @eth ....

[Exoplanet]

@eth 

[Mazarita]

Hi @eth @Exoplanet @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @greenpea @bipolarbunny @Adge and anyone reading, how are you all going?

Weeks are much busier for me since starting ndis activities. I have been working with the motto 'just show up'. I know I'm likely to lapse with this, but it's a strong, clear intention that I have now and so far feels good. Yesterday I let my support worker come over as planned even though it was a day I would normally cancel due to feeling unfit for human consumption. After an hour or two of feeling really not up to it, it actually turned into a really good day.

Mottos like 'just show up' have in the past very often just added to the oppressive demanding me-voices in my head telling me what I should be doing, making my depression heavier and better behaviours even harder. It's not just medications that have negative side effects. For this reason, I have often been questioning and defensive when ideas like this are advocated for me.

But this time the 'just show up' is feeling good for me. 

Wanted to write a longer post but have to get ready for something this arvo!

Love and hugs to all who may welcome that from me. 

[bipolarbunny]

@Mazarita So glad you turned things around to have a good day my friend! The "Just Show Up" motto you speak of is something I've used a lot of in my training and life in general over the past 9 months. I tend to procrastinate and over think things to the point where I'm frozen and can't move in any direction or make a choice. Keeping things simple and just showing up has really helped me break through that procrastination side of my brain. 
Hope you continue to have good days my friend! xx

BB 🐰💙

[Mazarita]

Thanks, @bipolarbunny  Totally relate to procrastinating and over-thinking and getting frozen. For me it's the anxiety, I think, something I cannot afford to be unmanagable because of stress affecting my physical illnesses.

I especially find phone calls hard to make and feel overwired and exhausted afterwards. Texts, emails, anything written, no worries about doing it. Social anxiety has been with me since I was about 5.

Knowing myself over decades, I feel that as long as I allow myself to have recovery days and cancellations if I really need them, the intent to just show up will be more successful all round.

Kindness to me, a contrast to the dark thoughts to and about myself that are mostly with me throughout each day, even deeper than conscious thoughts I think. Starting hypnotherapy next Tuesday and hoping it will bring some deep healing.

Wishing you well through your days, friend. 

[eth]

Hi @Mazarita   @Faith-and-Hope @greenpea @Shaz51 @Exoplanet @Angels333 @Fluttershy1   thanks all for your tags.   Not up to individual replies atm, sorry.

Just passing by as I'm waiting for a call from my adult child soon.  Big week here going thru ALL my NDIS documentation since the start of the journey in mid-2017 finding particular reports, useful information for plan review .... only to find out at 5.30 pm yesterday (I bit the bullet and contacted NDIS directly myself - very very rare) that it's actually my choice if I want to have an automatic plan extension instead of a full review or light-touch review (as they call it).  It's nice to know I have the choice, but raises worries about whether taking the easy path now will be the best for the 12 months the renewed plan would be in effect for.  If I get it renewed I don't have to get all the reports and support letters or go to a planning meeting.  My funding will be the same as it has been for nearly 2  years and has worked reasonably well.  If I went to a review I would have a couple of other things to ask for, but would also risk any part of my plan being reduced.  Lots' to mull over.  Will talk to bro and sil about it when I see them tomorrow night and have a meeting with my coordinator of supports on Tuesday and then decide.  

So that's where things are at for me.  As has happened before, heightened anxiety has seen me get pretty compelled and compulsive about the paperwork.  Plus an aggro event at the flat under me last weekend which put me on edge for days.  Seems to have settled down now, but a real shame that it happens even here in this place of usual peace.

@Mazarita  good on you for 'just showing up' when you don't feel quite ok about it - once you have a good rapport with a support person they can sometimes help you feel a bit better, as it sounds like is happening for you.  Mine have done the same for me this week.  Best wishes for good results with the hypnotherapy too.

Best positive news is I'm going to do a road trip with a support worker next weekend and go a few hours away to visit my kid and their kids.  Have worked out the details so that I don't have to pay double air fares and accommodation for the sw out of my own pocket.  We'll drive in her car (claim mileage) and she will stay with a friend and I'll claim 8 hours a day support for the 4 days.  So that will come from NDIS core supports too.  Really looking forward to it, and I think she is too.  My granddaughter's birthday is the 11th and me and my son-in-law have ours on the Sunday so it will be a special time for lots of reasons.  Haven't seen them for nearly 2 years. 

<<<<<<< ROAD TRIP >>>>>>> !!!!!!!

Hope you all are keeping kind to yourselves and going gently amidst the noise and haste xoxo

[Faith-and-Hope]

😊👋 @eth ..... good to hear your news.

[Mazarita]

Hi @eth, good to read your post this morning. Road trip, woohoo! Great thing to look forward to, getting out of town, on the road, seeing family. 

Was wondering if the ndis review was happening soon, sounds like it is. Great news that you now have the choice between automatic rollover, light review or full review. Also good there are no scarier independent assessments in place with ndis at this time. Feedback from bro and sil will no doubt help with making the choice.

Sorry to hear there has been some aggression around, understandable anxiety. 

Today I'm not 'showing up' as planned with support worker. We may get some time later in the day but it's 7.30am here and I've been unable to get myself to sleep since 10pm last night. Really can't engage with support until I get some sleep, at least two to three hours.

It's okay for me to sometimes 'not show up' as well. I knew from the start that there had to be room for that. That's because, above all, I'd like to continue this support and healing phase of my life in as relaxed and flowing way possible, keeping the stress to a minimum, including from myself. 

I'm hearing and learning more about mindfulness from conversations with different people over the past week or two, and being guided in mindfulness meditations as well. Learning in motion.

[eth]

Hey @Mazarita  hope today's been a smooth one and you're getting to do the things you want to do, including having a home day when you need to.  It can be tricky finding the balance of how much you want to get out vs. how much down time you need in between activities.  I'm doing better since I reached a point where I actually figure in some enjoyable things, including just sitting watching the ocean, into the times I'm out with support workers.  Not just the essential stuff.  But it took a long time to get to that point as I was only able to cope with 3 short shifts a week, whereas now I have 4 longer shifts and 3 days at home, one of which is writing with my writing buddy.  So really only 2 days to stay on top of domestics and have proper down time.  At the moment it's working and the times I've been out the last couple of weeks have been a blessed relief from my relentless NDIS obsession.  Thankfully I feel like I'm putting that to rest again since Tuesday afternoon - when I confirmed with NDIS that I do want my plan to be extended for 12 months, rather than go to planning meeting and review.Which would have happened in June, hence trying to get reports and support letters organized recently.  It always takes time for them to be finalized.  The clouds are parting and I feel lighter about that stuff.  Thank goodness!  I was driving myself round the bend and further into the rabbit hole of fixation on a task.  At least I can see it now.

Take care and have a peaceful weekend.  I could be back here next Wednesday.

xoxo